Jacquelyn's Journal

sad day
Today was a sad day. I went to my step Grandpas funeral. It was a nice funeral. As nice as they can be. Lots of laughs and crys. I just watched a movie, and now I am about to go to bed.
I have been kinda slowing down on the wedding plans. I mean we are still getting married but I have been busy with other funerals and weddings that I have been going to.
Hanging out alot with someone I never thought I would enjoy hanging out with. Anyway I should get off her and take care of my puppy

Current Mood: sad

Not sleeping is no fun
I try to go to sleep about 12 everynight. I lay there and I try so hard. All I can do is think about my Grandma. I worry if she is alright. I think about her and what she is thinking. I reassure myself of the reasons she is not with us anymore. I haven't had one goodnight of sleeping sense that lonely day when she passed. I took a break from school to help me cope with all of this, and yet now I feel like I need a break from my break. I have always had faith in my life and yet in moments like these when it should be so strong, is the time I start to question.

Current Mood: lonely

Family
Yesterday hung out by the pool with Autumn worked on our tan. Then we went to Balleys. Then hung out at her house for awhile. Today I went to Balleys with Ryan for a little while and watched 2 movies at home. Monster was really good. I can't believe they could make someone so pretty so ugly.
Ryan is in bed and I am just sitting up thinking. It seems I come across thinking most about My Grandma late at night when I am alone. This is the time I would stay up and email her long letters. I found a card I got for her when she was sick. However I was lazy and never sent it. It is to late now. I really wished I would have sent it. I miss her so much. It was not like a regular relationship. We would talk about everything. She was the greatest person ever. I remember in 8th grade I did a report on the person i was the most proud of. Of course I chose her.

Anyway enough feeling sorry for myself

Current Mood: depressed

Sunday Night Sex Show With Sue.
Kehli and I just hung out tonight with Ryan and his friend from work. We drank a little and watched the Sunday night sex show with Sue. She gave me some great tips if I want anal beads. Lily is being a major beast tonight. Tomorrow Kehli,Lindsey,my Mom and I are going to go wedding shopping. Should be fun. Anyway write more tomorrow.

Long Weekend
Today has been a pretty laid back day. Ryan and I just hung out with our puppy. She is getting so big. She is almost six months old. Spoiled as can be. Ryan is working 2 jobs and I am going to beauty school. I am so excited to be done. I will actually be making good money and then Ryan can go to school. Ryan and I finally set a date for us to get married. I am really excited. We have been looking everywhere for places to get married. It is going to be in the winter so finding a place with enough space to hold 200 people has been tough. I found my dress already. I love it a lot. By the time Ry and I get married we will have been together five years. That is such along time. I am glad Kehli is helping me with my wedding. She is actually wanting to be a part of it. I just wish she would find a nice guy.
Anyway I am going to go finish watching a movie with Ry.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: none

Getting Better
Things are getting better around here. My love is perfect as always. Ryan and I got a dog for V-day. We got a little beagle named Lily. She is so cute. She is eight weeks old. I had eye surgery 2 and half weeks ago so i am still recovering from that. I can not drive yet or see out my eye but soon I hope. I will be back in school as soon as I can see! Kehli has been helping out a lot with driving me places. She has been great. I am on a quest to find her a man. One day she will find a nice guy. If there are any left. Well my eye is starting to hurt. I will write more later.

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Kenny Chesney

My poor mouth
Wow it has been a long time sense I have wrote in here! It is almost 2 am right now. Ryan is watching TV so i decided to write a little something. So today I am having oral surgery that should be fun. I have already had this surgery a few years ago so I know what kind of pain to expect. Not sure if that is good or bad. Today we did all of our Christmas shopping. I am glad to say I am done. Kehli was by far the worst to shop for. She is a pain in the ass in general but I love her lots. I am so glad to be off from school. I really needed a break. I am eager to get back though. I really want to be done. I am glad I passed all my classes. Even Math! I am depressed to take BIO next term.
Ryan and I sure do love having our own place. We are getting a puppy in a few weeks. I am really excited. Anyway I am going to go watch Tv with Ryan. Bye.

Current Mood: drained

It is about 8:00pm Sunday night. Ryan is up stairs making chicken and I am doing laundry. A lot has been going on. We finally got a nice system put in our new car. I am happy about that. It sounds really nice. I start my new job tomorrow. School starts in October. I am really excited for school. Ryan hasn't talked to any of his friends in awhile. I am not sure why. He is really glad about starting school. We are getting along really well. I love him so much. I better get back to laundry.

Current Mood: loved

I have a sinus infection again yeah! It seems to never go away. Ryan and I are starting medical school in july. I am really excitied about that. We are talking more and more about when we are going to get married. We both want to wait till after school is out... so atleast August of 2003. My little sister Lindsey has been staying with us for a week or so. Ryan baught a car today. It will be fun to fix up.
I am just really looking at my family and realizing who is worth my time and who is not. It just shows who is mature and who is not. Some people only want to hang out when they need something.
I got a new job it is ok. It will work with school so that is good. I am about to take Lindsey home. I think Ryan,Lindsey and I are going to go watch fireworks for the Fourth of July.
I feel kind of bad for RY because he is realizing what shitty people he has in his life. People that use him. There is a whole story behind that but I do not really want to get into that. So between working 40hrs a week and going to school full time I am going to be soooo busy. Anyway I should get going. Just thought I would write a quick little note. I love you baby

Current Mood: sick

surgery sucks!
Well a lot has been going on here. Mostly bad stuff... well kinda. I went in to the dentist for a minor tooth ache and ended up having to have surgery. It sucked! I had to go see a specialist and they did a root canal and then they had to slice open my gums to remove an abesse( i know i can not spell) that was on my root. So now on the top of my mouth I have stitches and it hurts!
On a better note.... Ryan and I are doing wonderful. We have almost been together 10 months. That is the longest relationship I have ever been in. I love him soooo much.
I never really hang out with anyone but him and some girls from work. Kehli and I NEVER talk. She is to busy in her high school life, so maybe when we both have time in our lives then we will hang out. Just seems annoying that when she was hanging out with Josh,Ryan,and I she was ALWAYS over but as soon as He went back to Mary she never came over. Oh well... Her loss I guess.
Ryan has not really talked to Josh, or any of his friends for that matter. I guess they are just at a time in their friendship where other things are more important. I try to encourage Ryan to go hang out with his friends. I do not want them to think I am controlling or anything. I guess he just is not motivated.
My new job is going so wonderful. Well I hate this girl I work with. She has the worst mood swings. Other then that I am ok with everything.
Well Ryan and i are going to go watch some movies so I will write more later... buh bye :)

Current Mood: aggravated

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!
Pretty much the same stuff is going on in my life. It is almost Christmas and I am soooo excitied. I love Christmas. I started a new job at a car dealership. I really like it. I have not had a job that I could say that about in a long time.
Ryan and I are doing great as always. I love him so much. We made Gingerbread houses lastnight. It was really fun. Ry's turned out way better then mine. We plan on moving soon. I am pretty excitied about that. Ry has been working alot,which sucks but at least we will have some extra money.
Right now I am painting my nails. It's this pretty pink color called Ripe Plum.
Today I have alot to do. I still need to figure out what I am going to wear to work tonight and tomorrow. On Fridays I have to work from 4pm-1am. and then be back to work at 9:30am Saturday morning. Sense it takes me around 45min to get to work and the same to get home.... I do not have much time between these days. I am selling my car. It is such a piece of crap. Ryan and I are sharing the truck right now. We work about 5-10 min away from eachother so I guess it works out ok.
I get paid the Friday before Christmas. I can not wait to go get Ryan stuff!!!! I love to shop. I need to go get ready for work!!!!

Current Mood: excited

brrr it is cold in here
Well I have not wrote for a really long time. I have been busy. I had my wisdom teeth pulled on the 6th of this month. I did not do so well with it. I puked for the first 2 days. I ended up getting something called Dry socket. It hurt really bad. I did not eat anything besides fudge cicles for almost a week. I am better now but every once in a while it will hurt. I have to clean it alot which is not a big deal cause I usually brush my teeth alot. After I was feeling better from my teeth I got this really nasty cold, and so did Ryan. I got it first and I still have it. Ryan got it and then got bronchitis from it. He was feeling better qucikly but then again he went to the doc and I didnt. So I am still tring to shake this cold.
I emailed Josh and told him i forgave him for all the crap that went on over the last few months. I know how much he means to Ryan. I want Ryan to be happy so I gave Josh another chance. I hope Ryan and him can fix things cause their friend Jason is comin to town and that would be cool for everyone to hang out.
I saw my friend Cimone tonight at plaid pantry. I am so glad cause I miss her alot. I also miss Kehli but for some reason she is being distant.
My love life is going so well. I love Ryan so much. We had the best conversation last night. I cried in his arms and told him how much I love him. I have never been happier before. I never new I could love someone that way I do him. Living together has brought us so close. We have lived together for almost 6 months. He is the best boyfriend I could ever have. I feel so lucky to be in love.

Current Mood: loved

****Happy 6 Months****
Well I have not writen if forever it seems like. I have been busy looking for a new job and everything. Yesterday was RYan and my 6 month annaversery. We had alot of fun. We went out to dinner and then to wonderland and then to a movie. I love spending time with him. I have so much fun.
Today I went to my little Brothers football game with My Mom. It was ok and then we all went out to dinner at Red Robin. Ryan jus left for work and I am going to go to TaeBo.
Monday is my 18th birthday!

Current Mood: lazy

I hate Josh. I am so mad at him. He is so mean and I cant believe I ever did anything with him. Mary was right. Maybe I should write her and tell her?Do you think I should? I rememmber someone saying that to me. Then the next day its... Josh and I are friends I dont hate him.
Its jus getting way old and to be way much. In a way it is like Kehli is pushing Ry away from Josh and Kehli is pushing me away from her. Over what? A guy she has knows a month or so. Sounds like another Katey to me. Well I know who is more important in whos life. Looks like I will be spending lots of time with just Ry. I am sorry I hurt Kehlis feelings. I did not know her and Josh were all dandy again. anyway I am way sick and I think I should go lay down. I am glad I have Ryan... I know he would chose me over anyone else. I love him
bye for now

Current Mood: bitchy

I am so annoyed at everyone expect Ryan.I am so sick of sticking up for people and getting blame for stuff. I wish Kehli and Josh never would have messed around. It jus caused way to many problems. Its like Ryan and i were fighting about other peoples problems. It was getting way old. I decided not to lie for anyone anymore. Not Josh,Mary,Kehli or anyone else. Kehli gets mad cause I tell people the truth. Why should i be rude? Plus One day Kehli hates Josh and the next day she likes him. its like a fucking ride at a fair...up....down...up....down. I would love to talk to her and help her with her decions but when she doesnt know what she wants i get annoyed. I hate people that talk shit about someone one day and the next day everything fine. I guess I am jus annoyed with everything. Josh also. He is so smooth to ease things over with girls. Its like he is in a movie and knows all the lines by heart. He knows exactly what to say to make someone not be mad.
Anyway I am sick of getting fucked over... so i am going to go to bed now, bye

Love you
Love you RY!

Current Mood: sleepy

~~~~Last night was so fun!! I saw Lee Ann Womack in concert!!!!~~~~
Well Last night Ryan and I went to the Lee Ann Womack concert in Washington. It was really fun. She did a great job. Then we walked around the fair and got our picture taken. It actually looks really good. I was happy. Usually one of us looks great and the other one looks not so good. However this one makes us both look good.
Tomorrow I am just going to relax. I finally have a few days off from work. I am so glad. I need the time away. Thursday My Mom, Kehli and I are going to the beach. I am not sure which one but it should be fun. We have not done something with just the 3 of us in years. I wish Ryan could come but he has to sleep for work. I have to work Friday but not till 6 at night so it is fine with me. Friday Ryan is buying us tickets to Trisha Yearwood. It should be really fun. I hope we get really close!!! We are also going to go to the Loanstar concert. I cant wait for that either.
I am realizing how much I really love Ryan. I mean of course I love him, but I really want us to get engaged. I am ready to be his wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I love him more then anything. I hate when we fight, but when we work out our difference it makes me feel like we can work thro anything.
I am probably going to register for school tomorrow. That should be intresting. I will be glad to start tho. I wanna get school going so I can be done with it A.S.A.P.
I am hoping to get my Settlement money from my car accident soon. I need to pay off my present car.
Well I am going. I will write later buh bye

Current Mood: peaceful

~~~2months!~~~
Well 2 months till I turn 18. I always dreamed about the day I would turn 18 and leave home A.S.A.P. I always said losers stay with there parents past the age of 18. I guess I am a loser then. I know I will not be moving out of here anytime soon. 2 More months. Katey,Ambree,and I always planned on having this huge party for me. Now I do not even talk to them. In a way I gave my bestfriends up for Ryan. I do not regret it one bit. I love Ryan so much. He treats me so much better then Katey or Ambree ever could have.
I am really bored right now. Just talking to my wonderful boyfriend and getting ready to go to bed.
I am really glad Kehli and I have became close again. She knows me better then anyone. It sucks we have to miss out on over a year of eachothers life for no reason. If there is a reason I still can not figure it out. Well I am glad that she is coming around again. I love her alot. I wish that she would find a nice guy that wanted a relationship. I know she is envious over what Ryan and I have. I think I am going to go ni ni now
I have to work ALOT this week
Buh bye

Current Mood: drained

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